FINAL INSTRUCTIONS FOR THE TIME BEING

In the unlikely event that I will die at midnight tonight, here are my final instructions for all those I care about (you know who you are).  Failure to comply may result in hauntings, unexplained disasters, terminal guilt, and bad karma.

1. Love each other.

2. Share your stuff.

3. Pray together (really -- it works).

4. Every day, do something you really want to do (unless it's illegal, immoral, or deadly).

5. If you are feeling depressed, give someone a helping hand, a smile, and or a word of encouragement.  Repeat as necessary.

6. Think of some way to detoxify and revitalize the environment for yourself and the fellow tenants of Planet Earth.  Then get started.

7. When in doubt, keep your mouth shut.  It is easier to say something later, after thinking things through, than it is to delete something you blurted out in the heat of the moment.

8. Take the time to make your compliments sincere and specific.

9. Don't judge people before you have had a chance to get to know them.

10. Don't use #9 as an excuse to avoid holding people accountable for their choices and actions.

12. Stop wasting time, energy, opportunities, and other resources at your disposal.  Today may your last chance to create something beautiful, useful, or inspiring.

13. Make your own music.  If you don't know how, start learning.

14. Improve your cooking skills.

15. Grow your own food, even if it is only a pot of herbs on your windowsill.

16. Make friends with your emotions.  There is no escape from inner turmoil.  The first step to taming your monsters is to acknowledge their existence.

17. Don't confuse DE NILE, a river in Egypt, with DENIAL, a toxic way of life. 

18. Hug those you love whenever you get the chance; respect the preferences of those who prefer a different form of communication.

19. Get to know animals and enjoy their antics, but don't mistake them for people.

20. When someone gives you advice, take what you can use and forgive the rest.  No matter what the outcome is, you and only you are responsible for your choices.

21. Remember that an honest enemy is generally less dangerous than a dishonest friend.

22. Go outside without your phone.  If you are scared to do this, take a friend with you.

23. Take time to observe yourself and others without judging.  Leave the Final Answer to God.

24. Take care of your body.  No replacements will be issued.

25. If you miss me, read my blogs.

These statements reflect my thoughts, feeling, and priorities today.  They are subject to additions, deletions, and amendments without notice.

Why We Need our Heretics

In order to see clearly, we must see as insects see -- in multifaceted images, each bearing the stamp of truth, yet never pretending to encompass all of it. Our disparate visions are the key to a healthy community, because they invite us to continue seeking more and more truth, order, and harmony. A perfectly homogeneous community, trapped in its own delusions, can neither grow nor heal itself. It can only take up more and more space, like a cancer. Inevitably, it is doomed to rot under its shiny facade, and collapse under its own weight.

APOCRYPHAL SAYINGS by Ursula the Heretic

THE MOST BROKEN AMONG US SEEK HEALING BY ATTEMPTING TO ORCHESTRATE THE HEALING OF OTHERS. We must always take care that ours is not a ministry of exploitation. When achieving the desired results is more important to us than our unconditional love for the person with whom we are walking, we have become wolves in sheep's clothing -- wolves with the best of intentions, but wolves nonetheless.

No matter what I say I believe or even think I believe, the way I live my life is my only authentic statement of faith.

Too often, the voice of the institutional church echoes the voice of the world, the flesh, and the devil. We are each responsible for reaching out to God, listening to the voice of the Holy Spirit, and discovering the truth for ourselves. Our personal pilgrimage is lonely, demanding, and often perilous, and may even lead us astray, but there is no danger greater than that of avoiding it altogether.

Clergy are our trusted servants. They are not God, nor do they always speak for God. Each baptized and confirmed Christian is responsible for his or her own spiritual welfare.

The more the Church uses the sales techniques of the world to promote itself, the more it will fail in the long run. The Spirit of God is not a commodity.

UNKNOWN AND FEARFUL TERRITORY

Times of trouble discover the true worth of a man; they do not weaken him, but show his true nature.
-- Thomas a Kempis

Hope prevents us from clinging to what we have and frees us to move away from the safe place and enter unknown and fearful territory.
-- Henri Nouwen (The Wounded Healer)

Unless our questions, problems and concerns are tested and matured in solitude, it is not realistic to expect answers that are really our own.
-- Henri Nouwen (Reaching Out)

In many ways God is "unfathomable" . . . . If you can know everything about him, then he is no longer God; you are.
-- Henry Cloud (Changes that Heal)

Not Good in Bed

Certainty is the hallmark of stagnation.
-- Rev. Dr. Ursa

Rainbows are the gift of unsettled weather.
-- Dancing Bear

Before we can change a relationship,
we must become willing to risk the relationship.
-- Dr. Ursa

If you hitch your wagon to a star,
don't expect to control the destination.
-- Dancing Bear

Some birds won't leave their cage even if the door is left open.
They need a closed door behind them before they can move on.
-- Dancing Bear

Love that demands something in return is not love at all.
-- Rev. Dr. Ursa

There are two kinds of learners who are difficult to coach --
the ones who are perpetually upset about their mistakes,
and the ones who don't believe that they are capable of making
any.
-- Professor Ursa

If no one objects to what I am doing,
maybe I should be doing something else.
-- Dr. Ursa

Hope prevents us from clinging to what we have
and frees us to move away from the safe place
and enter unknown and fearful territory. -- Henri Nouwen

When someone tells me, in one way or another, that I have
disappointed her (or him) by not living up to her fantasy, the
fault lies not with me, but with the fantasy. I will serve my
critic best by allowing her to sort out the debris of the
inevitable fantasy-reality collision for herself instead of trying
to alleviate her distress by twisting myself out of shape.
-- Ursula Maxima

No matter what I say I believe or even think I believe, the way
I live my life is my only authentic statement of faith.
-- Ursula the Heretic

Before embarking on any kind of self-improvement program,
shop for a hard hat. People will be unkind if you fail. They will
be even more unkind if you succeed.
-- Dr. Ursa

I once had a rose named after me, and I was very flattered.
But, I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue,
"No good in a bed, but fine against a wall." ~Eleanor Roosevelt

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a
good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.
~George Burns

Santa Claus has the right idea ... Visit people only once a year.
~Victor Borge

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become
happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
~Socrates

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential
food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. ~Alex Levine

Money can't buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more
pleasant form of misery ~Spike Milligan

Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.
~Herbert Henry Asquith

Don't worry about avoiding temptation ... As you grow older, it
will avoid you. ~Winston Churchill

The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good, spit it out. ~Unknown

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too
old to go anywhere. ~Billy Crystal