In the unlikely event that I will die at midnight tonight, here are my final instructions for all those I care about (you know who you are). Failure to comply may result in hauntings, unexplained disasters, terminal guilt, and bad karma.
1. Love each other.
2. Share your stuff.
3. Pray together (really -- it works).
4. Every day, do something you really want to do (unless it's illegal, immoral, or deadly).
5. If you are feeling depressed, give someone a helping hand, a smile, and or a word of encouragement. Repeat as necessary.
6. Think of some way to detoxify and revitalize the environment for yourself and the fellow tenants of Planet Earth. Then get started.
7. When in doubt, keep your mouth shut. It is easier to say something later, after thinking things through, than it is to delete something you blurted out in the heat of the moment.
8. Take the time to make your compliments sincere and specific.
9. Don't judge people before you have had a chance to get to know them.
10. Don't use #9 as an excuse to avoid holding people accountable for their choices and actions.
12. Stop wasting time, energy, opportunities, and other resources at your disposal. Today may your last chance to create something beautiful, useful, or inspiring.
13. Make your own music. If you don't know how, start learning.
14. Improve your cooking skills.
15. Grow your own food, even if it is only a pot of herbs on your windowsill.
16. Make friends with your emotions. There is no escape from inner turmoil. The first step to taming your monsters is to acknowledge their existence.
17. Don't confuse DE NILE, a river in Egypt, with DENIAL, a toxic way of life.
18. Hug those you love whenever you get the chance; respect the preferences of those who prefer a different form of communication.
19. Get to know animals and enjoy their antics, but don't mistake them for people.
20. When someone gives you advice, take what you can use and forgive the rest. No matter what the outcome is, you and only you are responsible for your choices.
21. Remember that an honest enemy is generally less dangerous than a dishonest friend.
22. Go outside without your phone. If you are scared to do this, take a friend with you.
23. Take time to observe yourself and others without judging. Leave the Final Answer to God.
24. Take care of your body. No replacements will be issued.
25. If you miss me, read my blogs.
These statements reflect my thoughts, feeling, and priorities today. They are subject to additions, deletions, and amendments without notice.
Showing posts with label directions for living. Show all posts
Showing posts with label directions for living. Show all posts
Sunday, November 29, 2015
Saturday, December 01, 2012
DON'T GIVE ADVICE AT ANY PRICE
What's the difference between a back seat driver and a coach? A coach's opinion is solicited and valued. A back seat driver's wisdom, however clever and useful, is nothing more than annoying noise.
Ogden Nash (or was it Piet Hein?) counseled:
Don't take advice
at any price!
That to you
is my advice.
I would add to that: Don't give advice unless you are being handsomely reimbursed and have good malpractice insurance!
People who seek advice are generally looking for affirmation for decisions they have already made. Then, if things go wrong later, they can blame the adviser instead of taking responsibility for their own behavior.
People who give advice for free claim to have the best intentions, but their hidden agenda is generally world domination. I know. I am one of those people. No matter how much I protest to the contrary, I secretly believe that the world would run perfectly if everyone did things MY way.
My mother told me that she felt guilty when she didn't follow my advice. The law in our family of origin was, IF YOU LOVE ME, DO WHAT I WANT. I told her that henceforth, I would try to abstain from offering unsolicited counsel and charge her 25 cents for any solicited advice . If she paid for it, it was hers to use or not as she saw fit. I made 50 cents on that agreement before we forgot about it, and we got a giggle or two.
I often find myself in a position where it seems imperative to repeat my standard warning: I am a person with strong opinions, and inclined to express them forcefully, but you don't have to do what I want just to please me. You are responsible for your own decisions and their consequences, so you have to do what you think is best for you.
In my early days of parish work, a lovely lady with no church affiliation consulted me about the fact that she was living with a man she was not married to. He was a recovering alcoholic with only a short period of sobriety, and she didn't want to be trapped in a relationship with him if he fell off the wagon. After hearing her out, I said I understood her concerns, and perhaps it would be better to wait before making a radical commitment.
She stared at me with horrified eyes, demanded WHAT KIND OF MINISTER'S WIFE ARE YOU? and sallied forth to tie the knot ASAP. I hope it worked out well for them.
Ogden Nash (or was it Piet Hein?) counseled:
Don't take advice
at any price!
That to you
is my advice.
I would add to that: Don't give advice unless you are being handsomely reimbursed and have good malpractice insurance!
People who seek advice are generally looking for affirmation for decisions they have already made. Then, if things go wrong later, they can blame the adviser instead of taking responsibility for their own behavior.
People who give advice for free claim to have the best intentions, but their hidden agenda is generally world domination. I know. I am one of those people. No matter how much I protest to the contrary, I secretly believe that the world would run perfectly if everyone did things MY way.
My mother told me that she felt guilty when she didn't follow my advice. The law in our family of origin was, IF YOU LOVE ME, DO WHAT I WANT. I told her that henceforth, I would try to abstain from offering unsolicited counsel and charge her 25 cents for any solicited advice . If she paid for it, it was hers to use or not as she saw fit. I made 50 cents on that agreement before we forgot about it, and we got a giggle or two.
I often find myself in a position where it seems imperative to repeat my standard warning: I am a person with strong opinions, and inclined to express them forcefully, but you don't have to do what I want just to please me. You are responsible for your own decisions and their consequences, so you have to do what you think is best for you.
In my early days of parish work, a lovely lady with no church affiliation consulted me about the fact that she was living with a man she was not married to. He was a recovering alcoholic with only a short period of sobriety, and she didn't want to be trapped in a relationship with him if he fell off the wagon. After hearing her out, I said I understood her concerns, and perhaps it would be better to wait before making a radical commitment.
She stared at me with horrified eyes, demanded WHAT KIND OF MINISTER'S WIFE ARE YOU? and sallied forth to tie the knot ASAP. I hope it worked out well for them.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
What About Tomorrow?
What about tomorrow? No need to worry; it's not here yet.
Six-year-olds who are sniffing gasoline don't worry about kidney damage tomorrow or fifteen years from now. Smokers are told that the "coffin nail" they are smoking will shave 15 minutes from their life, but they figure that those are the last 15 minutes of their lives, not worth living anyway. People who live on junk food and don't exercise have some vague idea that they are damaging their health, but they can deal with that tomorrow, when symptoms actually emerge.
We all want the good life -- satisfying career, good cash flow, supportive mate, adorable children, beautiful house and pets that don't scratch the paint off the doors. There are no guarantees that life will bring us these blessings. However, if we invest in the future -- getting an education, safeguarding our health, building nourishing relationships with others, applying for jobs that we are interested in, giving a day's work for a day's pay -- our chances of getting something worth having are greatly increased.
Every journey, no matter how long, begins with the first step. Every mountain, no matter how high, is climbed one step at a time. Every new skill has to be learned, one attempt at a time, with many failures and setbacks. Every structure, from a tiny log cabin to a great skyscraper, is put together one piece at a time. The law of cause and effect has not been repealed. We can dream big, but we have to start small.
It is useless to worry obsessively about tomorrow, or anything that we can't control. We are wiser to turn our attention to what is happening here and now, enjoying the gifts the day brings, while rising to the challenges in front of us.
No matter how good today is, it will not last forever. No matter how bad today is, there is something we can do to improve it, if not for ourselves, then for someone else.
What about tomorrow? For better or worse, we are building it now.
Six-year-olds who are sniffing gasoline don't worry about kidney damage tomorrow or fifteen years from now. Smokers are told that the "coffin nail" they are smoking will shave 15 minutes from their life, but they figure that those are the last 15 minutes of their lives, not worth living anyway. People who live on junk food and don't exercise have some vague idea that they are damaging their health, but they can deal with that tomorrow, when symptoms actually emerge.
We all want the good life -- satisfying career, good cash flow, supportive mate, adorable children, beautiful house and pets that don't scratch the paint off the doors. There are no guarantees that life will bring us these blessings. However, if we invest in the future -- getting an education, safeguarding our health, building nourishing relationships with others, applying for jobs that we are interested in, giving a day's work for a day's pay -- our chances of getting something worth having are greatly increased.
Every journey, no matter how long, begins with the first step. Every mountain, no matter how high, is climbed one step at a time. Every new skill has to be learned, one attempt at a time, with many failures and setbacks. Every structure, from a tiny log cabin to a great skyscraper, is put together one piece at a time. The law of cause and effect has not been repealed. We can dream big, but we have to start small.
It is useless to worry obsessively about tomorrow, or anything that we can't control. We are wiser to turn our attention to what is happening here and now, enjoying the gifts the day brings, while rising to the challenges in front of us.
No matter how good today is, it will not last forever. No matter how bad today is, there is something we can do to improve it, if not for ourselves, then for someone else.
What about tomorrow? For better or worse, we are building it now.
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